The advantages and disadvantages of ever-increasing use of technology
The advent of modern technology, such as computers,
smartphones, other gadgets and, of course, the Internet are considered to be one of
the greatest events that ever happened in our world. It has already
revolutionized our lives more than anything we have invented so far and
nowadays it is hardly possible to imagine our everyday life without it.
With a doubt, a significant advantage of such
technology is that It’s time-saving, making all kinds of work more effective
and easier. Almost each of our sciences and industries make use of it, for
example in factories computers control assembly lines and in hospitals:
certain extremely difficult and precise operations such as heart, brain, and other
surgeries. However, with the computer technology stimulating technological
progress, it cannot be denied that it is one of the main causes of people
getting unemployed. A lot of people lose their job because computers just don’t
need a rest, have proven to work faster and longer, etc. Moreover, computers
often have bugs in the system, which cannot always be fixed properly.
Another benefit of modern technology is the invention
of the Internet, which has become nowadays the most important source of
viewing, sharing and receiving information. Moreover, for students it’s a good
opportunity to increase their knowledge and develop their research skills. As
for me, for example, I use the Internet to search for new information, send
messages, chat with my friends, play games, and much more. Nevertheless, there
is also another side of the issue. Information available via the Internet is
not always verified and controlled and thus children have an access to
resources containing materials exclusively for adults. What is more, children
become technologically addicted, so it’s easy for them to lose a contact with
the real life being on the Internet for long hours. Furthermore, spending too
much time in front of a screen results in weakness of sight, pain in the back
or defects in the spine.
The fact that computer technology offer us unlimited
possibilities is also an important advantage. It provides us with an access to
all necessary information, as well as enables us to do shopping, find work, buy
a ticket or contact our friends quickly and easily. On the other hand, the
number of cybercrimes is still increasing, which has the risk of your
information to be stolen. The article by Nohe, Patrick. “2018 Cybercrime Statistics: A Closer
Look at the ‘Web of Profit.’” Hashed Out by The SSL Store™, 27 Sept. 2018,
www.thesslstore.com/blog/2018-cybercrime-statistics/ explains the phenomenon of a "сybercrime platform", points to the reasons of such crimes, and shows the statistics of it.
To sum up, it is obvious that modern technology has either advantages and disadvantages. Nowadays, it’s almost possible to satisfy all our needs since computers are becoming faster and better every year. Yet, we must remember that however useful all these gadgets might be, they should only improve our lives, not replace them.
Thanks for sharing your essay draft with us. I had a quick look at it yesterday evening and am going to discuss it with you in class today to help you with its revision.
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ReplyDeleteHello, Roma!
ReplyDeleteI've read your essay and found your advantages and disadvantages very interesting. From my point of view, you have to change your structure a little bit. There have to be the second paragraph with (dis)advantages and the third paragraph with the opposite opinion. I think, that structure would be more logical. Talking about another cases, everything is great! Your language and content are very good.
Roman, consider the points below there are some problems with in your work:
ReplyDeleteThe advent of modern technology (WNum: you have listed several), such as computers, smartphones, other gadgets and, of course, the Internet LINK VERB considered to be one > plural of the greatest events
computers control assembly lines and in hospitals - certain extremely difficult and precise operations: wrong use of the dash: it is the way it is used in Russian. In English you should use "such as" and enumerate which
The fact that computer technology offers us: it's more appropriate to use the plural form here because there are many of them, not just one
The second part of the last but one paragraph "On the other hand, the number of cybercrimes is still increasing, which has the risk of your information to be stolen (Nohe, Patrick. “2018 Cybercrime Statistics: A Closer Look at the ‘Web of Profit.’” Hashed Out by The SSL Store™, 27 Sept. 2018, www.thesslstore.com/blog/2018-cybercrime-statistics/)." should be developed: you just gave a reference to this article and it's possible to do it in longer works but in your case it seems reasonable to add a more extended explanation
Overall you essay is rather well-developed: its content mataches the topic and enough support is provided for the arguments you have presented; it's also logical and consistent.
Natalia Yurievna, thank you for all your corrections. I took them into account and made a few changes.
DeleteHello Roman,
Deletethanks. Hope my comments have made it easier for you to revise your essay. Can you actually add what changes you have considered to be the most important? Are they at the level of content/organisation/mechanics/the language?